How do we react emotionally to our observations?

What effect does our perceptions on the state of affairs have on our emotions?

Where do our emotions have their roots? To what extent do our emotions influence our thinking and doing? Which emotions do I experience most often?

How do I escape loneliness and insecurity?

Does religion offer consolation? Can I distinguish between my emotional and religious worlds?

Emotional Defenses

One of the first lines of defense against the onslaught on the diminished 'me' seems to be an emotional one . This can again only be said with hindsight as I tend not to realise the role of my (subconscious) emotional condition while in the thick of the battle. I often have to deduct causes only from the effects I see thereof. It seems that the influence of our lonely self-lives becomes visible in our emotions in either a positive (fight) or negative (flight) way.

The positive (fight) emotional defenses against the insecurity take on a variety of forms that fluctuate between rage and joy . The amount of anger I nowadays see around me (and sometimes within me) scares the living daylights out of me! To balance the rage, I also see (and experience) much "let's eat, drink and be merry"-ness.

In my less courageous moments, there are lots of emotional escapism (flights). These also tend to have more positive, fantastic expressions as well as some negative, depressing moments. My mood-swings between self-pity and self-elation sometimes makes me wonder whether I am a man or a mouse! Nevertheless, these emotional swings seem to provide us with some sort of substitute for the spiritual inspiration that we have lost on the road to freedom and independence - even if we seem to be running a nuclear power-plant on coal!

There is an area of emotional defense that worries me more than the ones I have described so far - the arena of religion and religious emotions. In this environment I have been trying to sustain myself through feelings of guilt, awe and wonder as well as jubilation. A good solid shot of these on a Sunday and a couple of lesser moments during the week seems to do approximately the same trick for my tattered soul and mind than my daily dose of vitamins for my battered body!