This is a copy of an article I did in a local newspaper on 16/6/98. When I look back at it, I realize it was the Lord leading me this way. A lady at work told me about a letter in a magazine about a mother with a child of 3 years that pulls out all her hair. I got a tremendous sorrow for the girl, and just knew that I needed to help her, and others like her. Without thinking about it (really!), I just picked up the phone, and phoned the reported who did the previous article (which was done anonymously). Before I said much, she organized for the interview to take place the Monday night. When I put the phone down, I thought.... what did you do? What are you going to say to her? I really didn't know. AND I had no plan of identifying myself!
During the next few days, the thought came up in my mind to add my name... but just my name. My biggest fear was that some people at work would identify me, as well as some people from my past. I was walking around with this fear that they would say that I am crazy. Well, at Bible school that Wednesday, I read the part in Mark 3 where Jesus just started His ministry. What shocked me was that all of Jesus' family told the crowds that He had lost his mind! They said Jesus was crazy! It really stuck in my head - I am scared of it, but they said that about JESUS too!
Then it was said that Jesus was sitting with all the 'bad' people - and the people called him names and kept on saying that he was crazy and many other names. He just continued to sit and talk to those people. Why? (was the question). Because He wanted to help them! He didn't care about what the people said about him, because He was concerned about helping those people. Well, that just struck a cord in my heart and I realized - to help other people, I have to be like Jesus - not caring about what other people say, so that I can help others. I thought - I'm in good company - they said Jesus was crazy too - just like they might say about me!
So I decided to publish my name, surname and picture - all to make me more accessible to other trich sufferers.
Monday night arrived - I was very much on my nerves... and the lady never turned up! I couldn't understand why God would allow that, but knew that He wouldn't allow it without a reason. It was a misunderstanding, the lady apologized (many times), and the appointment was made for Thursday.
In this time God kept me terribly busy - to the extent that Thursday night arrived, without me really being able to think much about the interview. I still didn't know what I was going to say to her. In the end, I just talked and talked and talked (much too much), and just left it up to her to write whatever she felt was best.
I was still ok, until Sunday. When I looked around me at church, I started realizing what I have done. I kept on thinking... oh no, you're going to know... and you.... and you... etc. I suddenly realized that my biggest secret ever, the one that I protected at all cost, were the one that I was going to write in a NEWSPAPER in my local town (city) where I grew up, and where everyone knew me. I cannot tell you how incredibly scared I was. If there was any way, I would have retracted the article. I just couldn't go through with it anymore, but I had no choice! Everyone told me that the people would be understanding and nice to me.... but I was scared - how could they know? I know how much misinformation there are about trich - I know how cruel people can be. How could they be so sure?
I then realized why the interview was only done on the Thursday. If it was done on the Monday, I would have had time to pull back the article. I am sure that I would have if I had the time. God knew best (again!)
Tuesday (the day of the article) arrived. As God wanted it (I can see it now), the article arrived on a day that I wasn't working (a public holiday). At 09h30 the phone started ringing, and was ringing every now and then during the day! I just started crying when I realized what reaction I was busy getting.
3 Trichsters phoned me during the day - none knew that it was a disorder OR that they weren't the only ones doing it (sounds familiar?). One guy actually came to my home within half an hour. I was only the 2nd person in his life that he admitted it to.
But what really touched my heart, was the incredible love that I received today. The way I felt, is that God just reached out his loving arms and touched me through people here on earth. A lady phoned me inviting me to their prayer group, a shrink I know phoned me telling me how brave I am, a lady from Louis' work phoned me saying the same thing, a friend from my work phoned, AND a lady from our church came over, brought me a rose, and just came to pray for me! I cannot tell you in enough words how I feel today. I've been very emotional the whole day - esp. when people gave me so much love.
Ok, so here is the article - I'm putting in the pic (which it absolutely terrible!), to show how big the article was. Was on page 3 - and it only had my article (half page) and adverts on the page. Oh, and I realized something else about the pic. If this happened 2 years ago (the really bad pic) I would have been devastated. I really would have. This time I thought... oh well, my hubby still loves me, and quite frankly I do too! (mmm... Amanda, getting big-headed now!). I just realized that my worth doesn't depend on how my pic looked anymore. To me it was just another reminder of how far the Lord has brought me - how much healing has taken place, through His grace. Praise God!
Ps.. even Louis says the pic is bad... so I'm not lying. (it actually looks ok on the internet - the real thing is much worse!)
I just quickly re-wrote the article in English - it is almost midnight - so just excuse the mistakes ok?
I PULL OUT MY OWN HAIR – WOMAN TELLS
My name is Amanda van Rensburg and it has taken me more than 23 years to get enough courage to be able to say today that I suffer from trichotillomania – in other words I pull out my own hair.
Amanda has spoken to Vista more than a year ago, but wasn't’t prepared to reveal her identity. "It has taken me much emotional healing and courage to publish my name and picture in the newspaper today"
She wants to help other people who also suffer from trichotillomania, and to do that, she realized that she will have to take the first step to reach out to them.
Amanda says that the first thing which victims have to realize, is that they suffer from a illness and don’t have to feel guilty about it. "Depression is often a result of trich. I thought for more than 21 years that I was crazy and I hated myself until I discovered through Internet that there are other people with the same problem than me.
She used to think that she is the only person in the world who pulled out her hair. She could not control the urge to pull out her hair, and had to, at one stage at school, wear a hat because she had almost no hair left on her head.
"I am now in all aspects of my life a different person, since I discovered that there are other people like me."
Today Amanda has her own site on the Internet where she tells other people more about trich and give them useful links. More as 6000 people have visited the site and Amanda gets at least one new e-mail a day from new victims.
"People don’t understand this illness where you have an urge to pull out their hair. Most people say: Why don’t you just stop? The only way I can explain it is to say that it is the same as when a fly walks over your lips. The same urge you have to wave the fly away, is how the urge is that trichsters have to pull out her hair."
Trich is a chronic illness for which there isn’t really treatment. Amanda started to follow the John Kender diet and it helped her to be pull-free for 20 months now. "I have a terrible sweet tooth and one of the most important things that trichsters should cut out of their diet, is sugar. It was very difficult in the beginning." She is convinced that it is the diet that helps her to have more control over her trich.
"People who suffer from trich live in denial for years. I did myself, because it is difficult to stand up and tell people that you do this crazy thing. I am scared of the reaction of people after they see my picture in the Vista and read my story."
"I still often go through new traumas. Now that I start graying, I cannot leave the gray hair alone. I have now colored my hair – not for vanity, but for sanity."
She encourages people who suspects that they suffer from trich of children who suffers from it, to phone her at xxxxx or write at xxxxx or visit her internet site or email