Problems with my visa

After all the miracles and the way things just fell in place with my trip to the States, suddenly I had problems in obtaining a visa - 2 weeks before I had to leave!  It caused quite a stir in the states with my friends, and everyone was praying, Christina (TLC) had gone to a LOT of trouble to fax letters to me, writing to Dr. Stein to ask him to confirm that I was indeed going to the retreat (and not fleeing the country), etc. etc.  I was in quite a state.  I couldn't understand it and was very worried about not being able to go anymore.

Well.. here is the rest of the story, as I wrote it to my friends afterwards.

Thanks so much for your prayers regarding my visa. You know what
bothered me the most, was that I was wondering if I had heard
wrong... did the Lord really show me that it was Ok to go and the
fact that all fell in place etc.. was it just things that
happened or could I take it (as I had) as signs that the Lord said
it was ok? If I was wrong, hearing that the Lord told me to go, how
could I pray for the visa, how could I get upset about it,
if that was part of the Lord's plan? Was it right to ask
people to pray that I would get the visa, if that wasn't
what the Lord wanted?

I guess my fear all along has been that my eagerness to go, was
soiling my perspective and ability to hear the Lord's voice
clearly. Did He really say yes or was it just me wanting to go so
badly?

Anyway, we had a guest preacher today and the Lord used Him to
speak to me. While we sang, I gave over to the Lord and said" Ok
Lord, if that is what you want, I'm willing to stay, if that is Your
will. Whatever you want Lord, I'll give to you, even though it
will be terrible for me to do. Camilla, when you wrote that the
Lord can still stop it if if is His will, I just couldn't accept
it. Everything in me said: No, no, no! How can it be?

Now, looking back at it (an hour or two later), I realize that
once again, I think the Lord was waiting for me to first
surrender, to first give over to Him and show Him that His
will is still more important than my will... my wanting to go
so badly. Anyway, so I surrerendered to Him, while we were
singing. (amidst tears, I have to admit).

You know, right from the start (3 years ago), the Lord used
certain phrases to command me abt the trich work (although
I didn't know what He was talking about, at that time). He kept on
talking abt the nations of the world... proclaiming my healing to
the nations etc.

Well, today the preacher read the Great Commandment - Matthew
29:16-19. And it said: They worshipped him, BUT SOME STILL
DOUBTED. (phew)
and then.... "... go make disciples of ALL THE NATIONS".

Well, I just realized that I had doubted the Lord... and that
He was just confirming it to me that He did want me to go to all
the nations. Also later the preacher said that it is our
commandment, to spread the gospel, in WHATEVER WAY IS
NECCESSARY. (Trich!). some other words that stood out to me was:
They are crying out for help.
(may the Lord use me to let His light shine to those souls crying
out for help!)

Well my friends, I'm thankful to be able to share this with you.
I'm thankful for the Lord for just being patient with me and
always being willing to confirm things to me when I'm
doubting Him so much.

Amanda