My husband touched my hair

10/5/99

The Lord has brought incredible emotional healing to me in the last 2.5 years.  I know that there are still things that are not healed yet, especially since there are things that I don't remember at all.   One day I believe the Lord will still bring healing from that too.

But this weekend something happened that touched me deeply - and made me realize that there are still healing needed that I don't even know of.

The kids made made a fire in the fireplace and we had a really nice evening.  The lights were off and the four of us were lying on the floor in front of the fireplace.  I was lying in Louis' arms and we had a child on each side and were just talking and laughing etc.

During the week I wrote a speech and as part of it I wrote that I never allowed anyone to touch my head.  I have a nephew that always wanted to comb everyone's hair - but I never allowed it (for obvious reasons).  I always said that I hated it if people touched my hair, but obviously it wasn't the truth, I was just forced to say that, because of the big holes in my hair.

That must have been on my mind because we were lying on the floor and suddenly I had a very strong need for Louis to touch and stroke my hair (specifically my head).  I asked him to do that, and he started stroking my head.  I don't think I can explain what happened in my heart at that moment.  It was like a long, long, long-awaited need of mine was being satisfied.  I think I felt like  a small child, getting love, acceptance and care from someone. (you know, the feelings you have when you touch a small child's head?).   I did experience it as a 'forced' action from Louis side (after all, I asked him to do it, he didn't think of it himself).  Yet, he kept on doing it over and over, and even though I had the feeling that it was forced, I find it hard to explain what was happening with my heart and emotions at that moment (going on and on).   I was very near to tears... it was just so special and .... well, I don't know exactly how to explain it, but it was surely was something very, very, very special to me.

I guess it was one of that small things that means absolutely nothing to anyone else, but to me it was a huge thing.   I don't know if anyone but a trichster can understand it.  Maybe it is like a child who had never experienced any physical contact and then gets to a place where she is given unconditional love experiences for the first time how it feels to be touched with love and care.

For 24 years I never allowed anyone to touched my head....  now, for the first time again, I experienced in a very special physical way that I was loved, cared for and ....... well, it was just something very special and wonderful to me.