The Sunday before the seminar, I was in church and little girl of 7 year old got up and sang a song in front of the whole church. She had a beautiful voice and are obviously trained in doing it, but I was just amazed at her confidence. Here she was, only 7 years old and she walked up on the stage, sang the song, moved around with confidence, looked the people in the eye and just looked so comfortable in front of everyone. It really touched me, and I wanted that too. I knew I had to do the talk, and I just didn’t know how. I wanted the self-confidence that the little girl had, so that I could be successful in presenting the information about trich.

That night, for some reason, I went through some old notes that I made at a church seminar that I attended a long time ago. This must have been God leading me like that, because I haven’t looked at that notes for probably 3 years. Anyway, something I read just stood out to me so clearly.

I had written: Do NOT strive for self-confidence… do not strive for confidence in yourself… strive to have your confidence in GOD, not in yourself.

Wow… I was so excited. Suddenly I realized that the thing that I was really wishing (and praying) for, (self confidence).. was the WRONG thing to ask for and strive for. God didn’t want me to have self confidence, He wanted me to put my confidence in Him, knowing that I cannot do it, but through Him… all things are possible and HE will make it work out. Wow, what freedom in that realization!

Well, the night before the seminar, I still didn’t have speech! Oh, I had a basic outline, and I knew that I know my subject, but I just couldn’t get it started. I didn’t know what to say, how to start etc. Remember, I have never done anything like this before. In the end, I went to bed without an introduction, without knowing how to start.

The next morning I woke up before the alarm clock sounded. Suddenly, I just had the words, I just knew what to say. God just gave it to me miraculously! He showed me to say: The fact that I’m standing here today is not because I have a lot of self confidence or that I’m different from any other trichster here. The only reason why I can stand here today, is because of God who made it possible for me and who brought me emotional healing from trich.

Well, I was SO excited! I knew God had just done something big for me. But in a way, there was a double blessing in that realization. I realized that if God could give me the introduction just like that, obviously He would be in charge of the whole seminar and make it all work out well too! I suddenly had so much peace (and excitement!)

Then the amazing thing happened. I was not nervous anymore at all! When I was introduced, I stood there waiting, without a bouncing heart or anything. I walked up and just started. And guess what? I thoroughly enjoyed myself! That was totally amazing! From fear to real enjoyment!

Well, for the rest of the day I was on SUCH a high! I was just marveling in God’s work, in how He made all things possible… as His Word promises.

It was only later that I realized something else. I knew that God had helped me to overcome the fear of the seminar and that He did a miracle for me that day. What I didn’t realize, was that God didn’t do it for that one day only! When I did another talk 2 weeks later, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t nervous! I was enjoying it (and that was the day that I had a speech in English and had to do it in Afrikaans!). WOW… God didn’t only help me on the day of the seminar, He actually took away my fear of speaking in front of crowds! Isn’t God amazing and incredible?

God surely took me on a journey. When the seminar was planned and happened, I had NO idea that a few months later I would be presenting a talk at the TLC retreat - this time in front of +- 60 people. God prepared me.. slowly but surely… He made a way!

It makes me think of a song that is very special to me:

God will make a way

where there seems to be no way

He works in ways, we cannot see

He will make a way

He will make a way