Rebecca's story - How I stopped pulling brows
I have received over a dozen requests to tell how I have become
pull-free, so rather than write each person individually, I guess I'll
just write it here.
First, a caveat: I really think that overcoming this is a very
individual thing: what works for one person might not work for
another. Changing my diet didn't work for me. Not because the
nutritional approach is ineffective (I don't know one way or the
other) but because, as a vegetarian, I simply couldn't live with the
JK diet.
I have had completely bald eyebrows for 21 years. I mean, COMPLETELY!
Now, for 3 months, they have been growing back in. Here are the
principles I came to accept, and the method I used to overcome my
trich, at least for now (and forever, I hope!)
First, the principles:
1) TTM is an addiction. So, like an addiction, curing it takes
patience, and work. The surest road to failure is in thinking you can
cure it overnight. You won't be able to. And by setting your goals
too high, you create a recipe for failure that spirals deeper and
deeper.
2) It is only a minor addiction! I mean, let's not take this
addiction stuff too far. I have been addicted to pulling my eyebrows
the way I was addicted to biting my fingernails for 25 years (I quit
that two years ago.) True, the addictive behavior that has left me
with bald brows has brought me a world of humiliation, low
self-esteem, etc. So its effect on me has been far more devastating
than biting my fingernails ever was. But the behavior itself is really
quite minor, and inconsequential as far as my physical health goes. I
mean, I don't smoke, or drink. I eat well, and go to the gym. In
general, I am in really good shape. Except somehow, I developed this
one, small, crazy behavior. And until I accepted it for what it is
--a minor bad habit, on the same order as biting my nails-- the
humiliation and shame which I heaped upon myself caused me to lose
perspective, and therefore be unable to summon the strength and sense
of pride and self-worth that are needed to overcome this.
3) As an addiction, it should be broken slowly. Baby steps. I don't
know anything about 12-step programs, but isn't that 'take it one day
at a time' thing big in 12-step programs? That is what I do. And
every day, I celebrate the growth of my eyebrows. Every day brings a
small but measurable success.
4) Measure your progress. Celebrate it! Revel in it! Many people
have said that they can't look into mirrors, that it is a trigger for
them. I have always related to that statement (mirrors drove me into
a helpless state, where I had no strength to resist pulling.) Now,
the opposite is true. I love to look in the mirror, to admire the new
growth. Sometimes I focus on a particular hair, and watch it grow
over time. The more I measure my progress, the easier it becomes to
resist temptation to undo it all. On this note: when I quit biting my
nails, I went through a similar phase of semi-obsessively staring at
them to admire how long they had become. Gradually, the pleasue in
this wore thin, and it became a ho-hum thing. Now I couldn't care
less. I know that they are long and will stay long. I no longer need
to measure. In fact, I don't pay any attention at all to my nails
now. But while I was growing them out, it was very important for me
to take pride in my success, by admiring and celebrating the growth.
It was kind of obsessive. And my current interest in studying my
eyebrow growth is also somewhat obsessive. But I have replaced a
'bad' obsession (obsession with pulling) with a 'good' obsession
(obsessively taking pride in my success.) And, if my experience w/my
nails was any indication, this behavior is only transitional. Once
the brows are fully there, and have been there for a long time, I will
no longer need to measure this, or admire it. But for now, measuring
helps me stay on top of my pull-free program. It makes me feel good
about myself. Which gives me strength not to pull.
Ok, those are the principles. Now here is the methodology (and by the
way, this methodology helped me finally quit biting my nails also.
And when I saw how easily I overcame that habit, it got me thinking
that I should try it for trich as well. But even seeing how well this
approach worked w/my nail-biting, it took me a long time to summon the
strength and courage to actually get down to business and try it on my
brows as well. But now, having finally tried it and stuck with it for
3 months, it appears that I have licked the trich demon, just as I
licked the nail-biting demon (funny how we don't think of that as a
demon. But what is the difference? Hair vs. fingernails. It's all
dead cells. Or something like that. Isn't it? It is so minor! Yet
we live with such tremendously devastating pain and shame because of
this trich nonsense.)
So here is what I did. I broke it down into 'pull-free zones'. I
started at the ends of my eyebrows, and took about a sixth of the
eyebrow area, and said 'from now on, this is off limits. I can pull
to my hearts content from the rest of it, but I can never touch this
again.' So, as the first 'zone' started to grow in, I pulled, totally
guilt-free, as much as I wanted from the rest of my brows. And what
joy to pull entirely without guilt! What tremendous joy! It is
totally liberating to not care! And simultaneously, while I was
satisfying that craving for pulling, I was watching the small
'pull-free zone' start to take shape, and fill in, and turn into a bit
of eyebrow. So, I lived with two pleasures: the pleasure of pulling
(addiction) and the pleasure of watching the hair grow back in
(pride).
After about 3 weeks, I added another centimeter or so to the
'pull-free zone'. By this time, the first zone had grown in enough
that I was really inspired. In fact, I wanted to add more to the
'pull-free zone' after only a week. But I forced myself to take it
slowly (addictions can't be unlearned overnight. AT least, mine
can't. So trying to move too fast would be setting myself up for
failure. I have done this hundreds of times in the past.)
So, with two pull-free zones, I still got to continue pulling as much
as I want, and as guilt-free as I pleased. Yet, my pulling had
decreased by about 30%. And lest I be tempted to pull from that
pull-free zone, all I had to do was look down at the ends of my brows,
which by now were looking quite fluffy. The sheer joy of seeing hair
there was enough to make me easily overcome the temptation to pull
from that area. If I wanted to pulll, I told myself "pulling is fine.
Nothing wrong with that. But pull >From the rest of your brows. You
can live without pulling from this tiny area.'
Gradually, I increased the pull-free area, being careful not to go too
fast (whatever you do, don't rush!) Now, after 3 months, I have only
one small 'zone' left: the last 6th of my eyebrows. And the rest of
my eyebrow area is getting lusher and fuller by the day.
The thing that amazes me is how incredibly easy this has been. After
2 decades of agonizing humiliation, I have overcome this as easily as
I overcome the temptation to sleep in on a workday. Do I want to
sleep in? Sure! Can I resist that temptation? Of course! What a
silly question! And, after all these years of failure, I now find that
overcoming trich has been as trivial and as simple as that.
Now that I have 3 months of growth behind me, and have gradually
'weaned' myself from pulling, I find the temptation to pull is very
low. All I have to do is look at those beautiful eyebrows (which look
sooooo lovely to me after 20 years of baldness and shame). I weigh it
out: the beauty and joy of my lush eyebrows, vs. the temptation to
pull, which has gradually been becoming smaller and smaller. And, at
least so far, the choice is easy.
I don't know if I'll always remain 100% pull-free. But I do feel that
I have found the secret to staying on this path for the rest of my
life. And, if the success of my fingernails is any indication, this
is a methodology that really DOES work over the long term.
So there it is. My story. It is only one approach. Others may have
different approaches. But it has worked for me. And believe me, I am
one very happy woman these days.
Last week, I bought new glasses! And for the first time ever, I chose
the ones I liked, not the ones that cover my eyebrows the best.
And two weeks ago, I started combing my hair out of my face, after 20
years of wearing bangs to hide you-know-what. Sure, I don't have full
growth yet (I am guessing it will take about 7 or 8 months to get it
all back.) But I have a lot of hair there. And with a light touch of
makeup, my brows look totally normal! I no longer feel any shame
whatsoever. I have licked it. AT least for now. And hopefully
forever.
So, that is what worked for me. I wish everyone the best of luck
finding the method that works for them. We are all different. But I
think that most of us have the power within us to overcome this. It
is a matter of tapping into it, and finding the particular road best
suited to them.
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and a later reply: ----------------
The hardest thing for me, in the few times in my life I have been able
to stop pulling for a week or two, is seeing how slowly it grows
back. It is so frustrating! And I found that having high
expectations was the surest recipe for failure. I would start pulling
again out of frustration and angry impatience. Now that I have been
pull-free for almost 3 months, and I see that I am still nowhere near
full regrowth, I have lowered my short-term expectations dramatically.
On the basis of this, I now estimate that the total time it takes to
grow from completely bald eyebrows to fully grown eyebrows is, for me,
probably about 7-8 months. (Is there anyone out there who has
experience w/this and can corroborate?)
But the good news is, now that I have guaged it, I am not so
impatient. There is definitely progress happening. Every day I see
it. And, while I don't look fully 'normal' yet, I now have enough
growth (and sense of self-worth!) that I no longer feel like I have to
hide. So now, when I am at the gym, instead of secretly applying my
eyebrow makeup inside the shower where no one can see me, I feel
comfortable showing myself in all my semi-bald glory. It is the
progress that makes me feel strong. Not the end result. I still look
a bit strange w/out makeup. But every day, I have fuller and fuller
eyebrows. And the knowledge that there is more progress every day
fuels me to stay pull-free.
So my advice to you is to relax and settle in for the long haul.
Don't worry about quick results! Instead, take time to celebrate how
well you are doing! 2 weeks is tremendous! Try turning it into 3!
That will be even more tremendous! And so on... Good luck!