It's just dead protein....

Someone on the TTM mailer asked what the difference between normal people and trichsters are.  This was my answer (Amanda)

For me, the difference between 'normal' people and trichsters is this:
What happens if you have to stop pulling that hair? If you had to tell the
'normal' person to stop pulling those gray hair, their response would probably
be: Okay.... and walk away without thinking abt it again. Same with chin
hair... I think all older woman pull their chin hair... no problem. Even for a
trichster... gee, if you don't want it there... get it out. BUT the problem
comes in stopping there!

I remember a while back when I waxed my leg hair. The lady actually wanted to
give me a very sharp needle to remove the ingrown hair. I refused (being a
trichster, I knew what could happen). After the wax, she took some tweezers to
remove the hairs that still was there. So of course, I did the same at home,
because (originally) I really wanted clean legs... with no hair sticking out.
That was fine, I removed a few. And the next day again, and the next day I had
to really search for some, then I started on the ingrown hair, and then if I
looked very nicely, I could find some really short ones coming out, and of
course, they had to go etc. So something that started innocently and with the
right idea, ended up being a real trich action.

There is no one that keeps watch and tells you that this behavior is trich and
that is not. This hair is trich hair and this is 'normal' hair - valid ones to
be pulled. I never pulled brows and lashes, BUT the first time I plucked my
eyebrows (cosmetic reason), I realized... here is trouble. I knew that if I
continued, I would stand in front of the mirror every day, without stop. I
never plucked eyebrows again, and for some reason that was good enough and I
could control it. (I believe it is because that is how my trich was... more
scalp, no brows etc). But I know even today, that I shouldn't pluck my
eyebrows - too dangerous. So a trichster could pluck her eyebrows for cosmetic
purposes, no problem. That is, if she could keep it at that. No one is
watching, no one is checking up on you. The problem is what happens inside of
you. How do you feel when you pull those chin hairs?. Why do you pull.. for
cosmetic reasons, or deep down, because you like it? And can you stop? And
how do you feel about yourself when you have pulled it? That is how I define
the difference between a trichster pulling hair and a 'normal' person pulling
hair.

If we look at it in context... what is hair... what is chin hair... we don't
want it anyway. Trich is SO much more than hair. Hair is just dead protein.
The biggest damage from trich does not come from having less hair than others,
the real damage comes from your feelings and emotions, who you think you are,
how you feel abt yourself etc. I'm not playing down the fact that it is very,
very hard to have bald patches or no hair ..... but the real damage comes from
our self image, NOT from the 2 or 3 less chin hairs that we have.

As I said, no-one is checking up on you. The important thing is NOT to have
all your hair back, the important thing is to have emotional healing, to be
happy with the person whom you are. I was 2 years PPF (practically pull free)
the other day. I am NOT perfectly pull free. I have pulled here and there in
the last 2 years. Last week I pulled 3 grey ones that really bugged me. But
you know what? I walked away, I didn't go into a pulling spree, and I was
still ok... I was still Amanda, and I was ok as a person. 3 Less grey hair
didn't make me less acceptable, it didn't make me weak or crazy, it didn't
make me less of a woman or a mother or a wife. My husband still loves me (even
with 3 less grey hair), my kids love me, my God loves me. And Amanda loves
Amanda - even with 3 less grey hair! 2 Years ago Amanda would have just hated
Amanda even more. Those 3 hair would have been a sign of my weakness, I would
have been angry at being a crazy person, and at having this 'bad habit' that I
couldn't control. 3 Pieces of dead protein would have changed my feeling about
myself, my self image, my whole life. Imagine that... 3 pieces of dead
protein had that control over my life. Let's try and look at things in context
..... and lets love ourselves. We are worthy of love, you know. I haven't
met one trichster who isn't a very, very special person. Every single person
who suffers from trich, deserves a huge medal, because getting as far as you
have, says a lot of you. You are strong, you have survived so far.... and you
WILL survive even further. I don't think 'normal' people would be able to go
through what we have gone through, with the success that we have. And
remember, success is NOT defined by the amount of hair you have on your head.
Success is being a whole person... living a fulfilled life, whether you have
hair or not.

It is just dead protein, after all. It DOES not define who you are.