Natalie's story

Hi. my name is Natalie. I am 15, and i saw your website. I would like to tell you my trich story.
Both of my parents for a brief time in their lives had a mild trich syndrome. Therefore, i believe they
handed it down to me. I am the oldest of their 3 daughters. I have 2 younger sisters that are 11 and 7
who have not yet and hopefully not ever experienced trich. I think it was the third grade when i started
to experience it. i was very young... and didnt understand it at all. my parents noticed it. i had
long beautiful hair, and they couldnt understand why i would rip out that hair. even thought they had
experienced it, they never understood, because i had such a severe case. pretty soon i had little hair
left. huge bald patches by the time i was 10. My parents took me to a counselour and a psychiatrist to
see if there was anything they could do. At first they gave me Prozac- but they concluded it did not
work on me, but instead made it worse. so about 2 or 3 more times they changed the medication...until i
think it was paxil that helped me, sort of. the children at school were extremely cruel. before my
change of appearance started, i was fairly popular in 3rd grade and the begining of 4th. but by the end of
4th grade, and beginning of 5th thru sixth grade.... i had no friends... and if i seemed to for a while it
was because they felt sorry for me. i was so young vulnerable and sensitive. it molded me into the
person i am today- the self conscieous side of me.  the pain and tears through 5th and sixth grade was
unbearable. the tourtourous things kids did to me and said to me were unbearable. i hated my parents for making me go to school everyday. i dreaded school, and cried myself to sleep every night. the
anti-socialness that i had prevented me from maturing in some ways- emotionally. kids spread rumors about me and everyone knew me as the weird ugnly girl with really short hair and bald spots with scabs on her  head that ate her hair. i never ate my hair... just the root. but it wasnt my fault. the emotional pain was unbearable and still is. my anti-social status forced my depression mode to never take showers- i would obsess about my hair. i didnt wash my hair for months at a time. once i reached 6th grade the hair in areas i didnt pull grew out enought that i could pull it into a pony tail to hide my bald spots, and prevent me from pulling my hair. i NEVER took my hair out of that pony tail- even to wash it for fear that i would pull again or it would get messed up really bad. and everytime i went into the bathroom i would sit in the sink and fix my hair in the perfect position for at least 4-5 hours at a time everyday during the summer and after school regular days. i was depressed and obsessive. i had no eyelashes and when my bald spots itched i would even shave them to stop it. but suddenly i decided i wanted to be liked again. and i WAS going to grow my hair out- and when i went to junior high- people would like me for who i was not how i looked but i would grow out my hair. in 7th grade i stopped the medication and decided to stop pulling. i pulled all of my hair over the side to cover the thin spots and gelled it down. people still made fun of me and the old rumors still haunted me.  but by the time i was in the 8th graded i started to make friends- but the nerdy type. i wasnt comfortable and i didnt feel like i fit in alot. i was still depressed but gaining alot of myself back that rude people stole from me. a big transition for me was my freshman year in high school. i made friends with a more popular group of people and i believed i was totally free from the disease and my self confidence was extrememly boosted to a level it has never been at in a long time. i felt really good. there started
alot of problems, though, because it was a slow transition over to this new group. alot of things
happened to me in my first year of high school- i got my first kiss! i was percieved as cool and an awesome person. even by the end of the year- guys though I was pretty! i was like wow- this is a totally new me!! By this time i had forgotten about my elementary past- and most of the junior high stuff. i totally erased it from my memory- i had thought. not once had i returned to that, because in high school- people grew up- and noone talks about old elementary rumors!  BUT over the summer between 9th and 10th grade (this past summer)i started becoming stressed over alot of things with my group of friends and just all the overwhelming things in high school. i started pulling again. nothing incredibly drastic like before, little things- only one at a time this time, convincing myself that it was nothing- it wont show, it is ok.  but still knowing what happened before i restricted from the major pulling and i was more consience of what would happen. still i pulled- i tried to stop.  but that little urge inside of me almost like an
addiction told me i NEED to i have to. by the end of ninth grade, although, i had started wearing my hair
down. my parents and old elementary "friends" noticed how long and beautiful my hair had become. about 4 inches past my shoulders. and with long hair makes more hair on the ground. my parents started noticed handfuls of hair on the ground and i noticed thin spots on my head. being obsessive as i am i was determined not to start this again- not to let this happen to ME. most of the spots were covered. but the ones on top, i have cleverly covered with the way i comb my hair, and it stays with braids. that is how i have my hair now. i only have 3 braids. people ask- but yet- they still dont know my secret, what is underneath. not one thin spot shows- and i make sure of it. i am determined to grow those thin spots out- with this medication i am taking. partly for the self conscienceness i still have from childhood and lack of self worth and obsession and making things in my head seem worse than they are. my parents right away took me to a counselour and when they mentioned it- i burst out into tears. the painful reality what has become of me is showing through. i did NOt want to go thru a bit of what i went thru before. evil hate thats what it was. i hate this i really do. right now i am in the 10th grade and i currently take Paxil. i have not been pulling my hair frequently- in at all only one hair and very rarely. it scared me. i want a life back, i want my self worth back. i have dreams of becoming an actress and singer because i know deep inside i can and that is my passion. and people tell me i am beautiful all of the time. it feels better than elementary school and jr high. but still i want it to be completely gone. i feel so alone with this.
Sincerely,
Natalie