Miracles while on my trip to
the States
One of my biggest fears in going to the retreat, is that I would step into that same
spiritual hole that I always step into. the hole of 'high-headedness and pride'.. thinking
that I'm really a good person,
doing good things and that I'm extra special. I know that in Jesus I am worthy, and after
years of hating myself, I now am able to love myself and know that God loves me too and
accept and believe that
other people also love me. I'm not talking about that. Remember, I know myself, and God
has revealed it to me many times (sigh), about how quickly I can start thinking I'm 'the
cat's whiskers' and take
glory and honor for myself, instead of realizing, remembering and acknowledging that it is
all because of Him that these things are possible.
Of course, the devil is very clever and will use our weakest points, to try and break down
the work that God has done in us. In my case, the devil is using praises from my website
and subsequently of me, to
do this. People get onto my website, and often, for the first time ever, realize that they
are not alone, they are not crazy etc., and the relief is usually very big. They also find
information for the
first time about a disorder that they may be suffering from for years and years. The
result is often that they are extremely thankful and overwhelmed and then they email me an
start thanking me. giving me
lots and lots of praises of how wonderful I am etc. etc. They don't know me, but I
represent so many things to them. freedom, knowledge, acceptance etc. Oh, I love all
trichsters, that's for sure, but what
they get, is from my site, not really from me. Of course the devil is very clever, so he
used this in my own life, to make me feel like I'm really great, and a wonderful person.
The truth though, is that the
website belongs to the Lord and it is His plan to have this website (see the introduction
page for the story), and because it is His plan, He blesses it and helps people to get
freedom, healing and acceptance through it.
Phew.. what a long introduction to my real story. (smile)
Ok.. so I started realizing that it was the devil using this praises to make me
high-headed and very proud and I have been trying to fight it. When I get a e-mail full of
praises now days, I am able to shrug
it off, say thank you, and move on.
Going to the retreat though, I was very scared that I would be falling in the same hole
again. I knew that a lot of people would be welcoming me and have said how 'wonderful it
would be to meet me' etc.
I also knew that I would be thanked for my website and it scared me. I didn't want
to become proud in myself again. I asked quite a few people to pray for me, that the Lord
would protect me from myself.
Well.. (we're getting there. hold on..) - I arrived at the retreat at dusk and there were
quite a lot of people that I knew. It was so great meeting everyone, putting names and
e-mails to faces and realizing that I was meeting up with e-mail friends from a long time
ago.
That first night, we had an introductory session, and Christina was thanking all the
people from the retreat committee and people who have helped and the board of directors
etc. They had to stand up and
people clapped for them etc. The next moment (totally unexpected by me), Christina
welcomed me and asked me to stand up. Oh dear.. it was terrible! I wanted to die. Suddenly
240 pairs of eyes was on me! I
just went red, got up and sat down very, very quickly. Was really hard. I didn't expect
that. But I survived.
Anyway, the retreat was great, and we talked a lot and had a great time. One afternoon, I
was on my own for a while, and I went to the cabin and had a bit of quiet time with the
Lord. Suddenly I realized
that the Lord had done a huge miracle in my heart. (This became the highlight of my whole
trip!)
I suddenly realized that I really, really didn't like the praises that I got. I was very
glad when people thanked me for my site and told me that it has been a great help. That
was alright. However, there
were a few people who really 'admired' me and almost clung to me.. Someone clung to me,
saying: Amanda, I love you , I love you! Someone else was looking at me with huge
admiration in her eyes and
nothing that I could do, could be wrong in her eyes. There were a few cases like that.
Suddenly I realized that I really didn't like that. Oh, what a revelation! I know that the
old Amanda, would (very deep inside) really like that. That is human nature, isn't it? We
really want to feel important and special. I knew that it wasn't me who had changed. The
real me would have liked the praises. But our wonderful God.. HE changed my heart. without
anything being done from my side. HE changed it! Praise His name!
I know that I will always have to fight against it (the need to be proud, to feel
important etc), BUT I also know that God has done a miracle in my life and that He had
really changed my heart. All the
honor and glory to Him!
On a more practical level, here was another miracle that God did. This miracle was
wonderful for me personally, but through sharing this miracle with people at the retreat,
I got the opening and the
opportunity to share the gospel a few times. - which was a huge blessing and privilege to
me.
It was very hard for me and Louis to be apart. The kids were with their biological father
for 10 days, so Louis was basically alone for most of the time that I was gone. We still
had e-mail contact, but
that stopped when I went to the retreat. I didn't know that there would be phones there (silly!),
but anyway, phoning to South Africa from there would just be impossible to do. So in
effect it would have
been a whole week before we would have contact again (when I arrived in SA). This was
extremely difficult for us.
When I arrived at Colorado (my last stop before the retreat), Louis told me that he wants
me to take money, no matter how much it will cost, and phone him and the kids on the
Sunday when I was with Cheryn (after the retreat). Our money are worthless in the USA, so
the cost would be incredibly high.
Anyway, I shared this with Carol, and she then gave me a phonecard to use. I didn't want
to take it at first, but that was another thing that the Lord had to teach me in the
States. I was 'forced' to accept
many gifts in the States and I found that very hard to do. I used to be (am?) very proud.
and I've never asked people for money, or needed to have other people look after me
financially. Getting to the
states, and getting many presents, without being able to give something in return, was
very hard for me But the Lord showed me that I would be stealing from the people who
wanted to give that to me.
They would be getting a blessing and find pleasure in giving it to me.. by not accepting
it 'gracefully', I would be stealing their joy and their blessing.
So, eventually I accepted the phone card. It was a $20 card. It may sound not so much to
the people in the States, but for an South African with a very bad money exchange rate.
that was a huge amount of
money. Carol phoned and they told her that I would have 5 minutes to phone SA with that
card. When I arrived at the retreat, I decided to phone Louis for a surprise on the Friday
(with the card), and then
take my own money and phone the kids on the Sunday when they would be back from their
biological father.
The people at the retreat helped me to phone from the office. When I put in the number,
the operator told me that I had 29 minutes to phone!!! From having 5 minutes to talk to my
husband, God gave me 29
minutes!! This was such a huge miracle to me - I just couldn't stop talking about it! I
spoke to Louis for a whole 20 minutes - was so wonderful! I then told him that I'll use
the remaining 9 minutes to phone the kids on Sunday. It gets even better! Well, Sunday
when I phoned , I was told that I have another 15 minutes left!!! Isn't God amazing?
In the end, God changed a phone card with 5 minutes on it, to have 34 minutes - 7
times more than I had. All the honor and glory to Him! He really provides in our big
AND small needs! Praise His Name!
You will be My light
3 Years ago the Lord told me that He wanted me to carry the healing that He has brought
me, to all the nations to the ends of the earth. (Read the whole story and the
scriptures on my site).. Of course, at
that stage I didn't really understand it, I didn't even have internet at home at that
stage. 3 Years later my website had reached people from right across the world, and in the
end I arrived in California, having the opportunity to share about the JK diet but more
importantly, to share about Jesus in a Christian workshop at the retreat.
I thought my work was done. (smile)
On my way back from the retreat (going to Cheryn's house), I shared a strange thing that
was happening to me. English is my second language (Afrikaans is my home language), and I
have always found it very hard to pray in English. It feels like I'm suddenly talking to
someone else not to my 'Afrikaans' Father. (smile). I prayed in English twice while in the
States, and every time it was quite uncomfortable.
Suddenly, at the retreat, a funny thing happened. I found myself, in my quiet time,
praying to the Lord in English! This was really, really weird! I shared this with Cheryn
in the car, and as I did so, . golly, I just suddenly wondered. oops..... does this mean
anything significant? Well, I'm not giving any explanations to this (yet.. smile). but it
did make me wonder.
That night at Cheryn's house, the Lord gave me a verse: Isiah 49:6b (3/10/99) I will also
make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of
the earth.
What does this mean Lord.. why are you telling me AGAIN? The Lord has always told me from
Isiah that He wants me to bring His healing to the nations of the earth. So why is He
confirming it again? What does He have in store for me? I don't have answers for this one
either.. will have to wait and see.
But you know, the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves. Deep in my heart, after
getting the message above, a little bit of doubt came into my heart. I didn't even admit
it to myself at that stage,
but God obviously knew. Because this message was in Isiah again, I wondered. Is God really
telling me all these things, or is it just that every time I open Isiah, it is messages of
us going out to the
world and telling them abt Jesus. Was God really talking to me, or do I just see the words
"nations" and "healing" and "light" and think on my own that
God is talking to me?
Well, a few days later, I read in Acts and I got to passages which I had underlined. Acts
22:9 (Paul's story) My companions saw the light, but they did not understand the voice of
him who was speaking to me.
I smiled by myself , and thought. yes, this is true. At the retreat I believe that some
people could see the light of Jesus in me, but they didn't know that it was Jesus that
they saw. they thought it was Amanda that they saw. That which they liked in me and was
drawn to, wasn't me.. it was Jesus in me (all the glory to Him).
A little further on, I saw another underlined passage - with the words: Hair - 17/4/99
next to it: Acts 22:14 The God of our fathers has chosen you to know His will and to see
the Righteous One and to hear words from His mouth. V15. You will be his witness to all
men of what you have seen and heard.
Wow, God knew me better than I knew myself! He knew I was doubting His messages from Isiah
and He just showed me that He had told me the same message from Acts, not only from Isiah.
Then later I read In Acts 23:11 (with a date: 29/4) As you have
testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome
Ah, I thought with a smile. a few days later God confirmed His message (testifying for him
in other places as just in my hometown.. (the world?) But when I looked better, I saw that
the date 29/4 was not of this year, but already in 1995! Wow, even before I knew abt trich
and the internet etc. God had already told me that I would be testifying for me in places
much further than Jerusalem (home). Isn't God a
wonderful God?
Praise His Name!!