John Logan's story

Males Get Trichotillomania Too!
By John Logan

I started pulling out my eye lashes when I was 12 or 13 yrs old. I have an
identical twin brother and he noticed that I had no lashes and told my
mother. She got very upset and gave me one of her tranquilizers. I had to
threaten my brother so that he would never mention it to my mother again. I
wore eye glasses and my lenses were thick so I think that hid it. At the
time, I thought that it was from the stress of going to school. My family
life was also stressful since we were poor. As time went on, I started
pulling my eyebrows. I lived in Ohio at the time and with the cold winters,
whenever I wore a hat or cap on my head, my scalp would drive me crazy. I
started pulling from my scalp I think when I was around 15 or 16. I didn't
stick to one spot and get bald spots, I pulled from all over and was able to
control it. Over the years, I had periods of remission. I always thought
that this was a bad habit and that I better stop it or else some day the hair
won't grow back. As time went on, I would get mad at myself for doing so
much damage and even tried scare tactics. Nothing seemed to work. At first,
I thought that I would stop pulling when I graduated from High School. That
didn't work. I joined the Navy after High School and they kept me pretty
busy and my pulling was very minimal. Well, I guess it did get worse when my
father died and I was sent to Viet Nam. Then I thought that I would stop
when I got out of the Navy. Then there was the stress of having to get a job
and help support my mother. I wanted to move to California but my mother's
temper kept me from doing that.
I spent 30 years going from doctor to doctor telling them about my acute
anxiety but I was too ashamed to tell the doctors that I pulled out my hair.
My anxiety was so bad that at age 17, I started going to the emergency room
thinking that I was having a heart attack. Over the years, I have learned
not to be affraid of a heart attack. Finally, in 1989, there was a full page
article in the newspaper about a lady who pulled out her hair and it stated
that she had a disorder called Trichotillomania. At the time, I was being
treated by a psychiatrist for Bipolar disorder. I took the article to this
doctor and told him that this is what I had. He started me on medication for
it. Over the next 10 years, I tried just about every OCD medication on the
market and nothing would stop the pulling. The meds did help the depression
and anxiety but the side affects were so bad that I decided that it was
better to live a normal life.
I tried hypnotism 4 times and I still feel that if I could find a hypnotist
who specializes in regression hypnotism that there is a possibility for help.
3 of these hypnotists were also psychologists and the 4th one was a
hpnotherapist who specialized in helping stroke patients learn to walk and
talk again.
Three years ago, I got tired of fighting this monster and decided that I
wanted to live a normal life. I want to eat whatever I want ot eat and do
whatever I wanted to do. My biggest hurdle was feeling comfortable at work.
Last year, I finally decided to tell my boss and co-workers. I wouldn't have
done it if I wasn't protected by the 1993 Americans With Disabilities Act.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, I feel like a normal
human being. I want to educate the world. I have had Trichotillomania for
over 40 years and am finally at peace with it. I have learned how to accept
it and no longer fight it. Telling my family and friends was the best thing
that I ever did. Now, I no longer have to worry about hiding it. I try to
educate the world now. This is a brain disorder that is way beyond our
control. It is so complex for the doctors who are researching it that I
don't expect to see a cure in my lifetime.
Males have more places to pull from. When I was younger, I tried growing a
moustache. I pulled from it. I now pull from everywhere except my arms and
legs and chest. I shave part of my chest. With males, nose hair and ear
hair are a big problem, at least in my case. Everyone is different. For me,
looking in a mirror is bad. Talking on the phone and reading are bad
triggers for pulling. Working is a bad trigger. I could teach classes on
the different techniques of pulling but I don't want to be a bad influence.
After having 6 months of frustration trying to find a support group, I
finally found one or two but there were only 3 of us at each one and I was
the only male. I finally bought a computer 3 years ago and go on the
internet and did as much research as possible on hair pulling. I found an
online support group and the Fairlite Bulletin Board and the TTM Mailer. For
me, I got the best support and information from the TTM Mailer. I also met a
lot of wonderful people. I learned about the Trichotillomania Learning
Center in Santa Cruz California and I have attended 2 of their Retreats. I
highly recommend the Retreats. The positive side of having TTM was in
meating many wonderful people and trying to help people who didn't know that
there was a name for this disorder. When I got on the internet, I was the
only male that had TTM. Now, I now know that there are at least 25 other
males out there. That was a big relief for me because I was mad at the world
for having a female disorder. I knew over the prior 10 years that there were
thousands of females with TTM. I read that the ratio of males vs females was
9 to 1. It was so wonderful to find that there are more males out there with
this disorder. I mean, I hate the fact but at least I am not the only male
on this planet with TTM!
I now feel very comfortable about my disorder and will never take
medication again. If anyone would like to contact me please feel free to
send me an email at Romnthnt@Aol.com  Best Wishes.

John and me at the California Retreat 1999