Over the years, I have consistently pulled my eyebrows and eyelashes, but I have always been able to give the pulling a rest and let them grow back. When I was in my 20's, I grew a mustache and found that I pulled from it, too. By the way, the only hair on my body that is safe from pulling is my arm and leg hair (and I'm not even so sure about that). Pubic hair seems to be a time-passing thing that I do when I'm bored or have insomnia, or just when the mood hits. I don't know quite how to describe why I pull, but it's like my brain sends me a signal that the roots are dead, and there is some hair ready to come out. There is a strong tingling or itching at the roots and I go straight to the spot and pull out only the ones that are ready to come out. I can be very calm when I begin to pull, but it brings on acute anxiety. On the other hand I can have acute anxiety for no reason and start to pull. When I get a haircut, if I don't jump in the shower as soon as I get home, it drives me so crazy that I can end up with a lap Ml of hair (or a pile on the floor), but I don't get bald spots, mainly because I pull from all over my head instead of just from one spot. I am pretty bald on top, which is probably mostly male pattern baldness, but the hair on top of my head has bothered me ever since I was 13 or 14.1 grew up in Ohio and wore a cap in the winter and I blamed it on that. I started wearing hairpieces in 1983 mainly for work, because I didn't like the way my hair looks. I have been wearing full wigs for the past 5 years. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't do it I would like to stop wearing the wig but it would be too traumatic for me, taking the jokes at work.

In 1981, my mother moved in with me because she was no longer able to live alone. One of her doctors decided that I had bipolar mood disorder and I went on lithium. After a few years of that I decided that I didn't like the side effects and switched to Klonopin. Then one day (eight years ago) I found an article in the newspaper -a full page on Hair Pulling Trichotillomania!. It took 30 years for me to find that article. I was so thrilled that I took the article to my doctor and told him, "This is what I have!" He put me on Anafril. Then I switched doctors. Over the next few years, I tried Paxil, Prozac, and every medication on the market. In the past 8 or 10 years I have spent a fortune on doctors. I have gone to three psychiatrists, four dermatologists, three hypnotists, and a hypnotherapist, not to mention several M.D.'s. The hypnotherapist was so convinced that he could help me that he had me convinced. Having my mother live with me was so stressful that I was convinced that once she died, my hair pulling would go away. Well, she has been dead for five years but the Trich is alive and well. Nose hair is a big problem. I have to keep it well trimmed. I can get sores in my nose if I use tweezers too much, but if I use my fingers, Presto! It is amazing how l can get rid of all of them in such a small space. Ear hair is another thing. I use tweezers to get rid of the longer outside hairs for cosmetic reasons. But I can tell when a hair is growing inside my ear canal, and I can't relax until I zero in on it with tweezers. As ~ as the eyebrows, I know that I need every hair no matter what shape or color. The problem is that with the aging process, they grow longer and that is not acceptable so they have to go. I tried trimming them but can't stand the look of the stubs so they have to go. I skip Grey hair and go straight to the ones I call "albinos." They have to go. I guess you could say that I am obsessed with hair, but I do not spend a lot of time in front of a mirror. I do it all by touch. I pull hair from my wig by zeroing in on the right ones and out they come. I can feel the hair from my wig touches my skin and it feels just like my own hair. The adrenaline starts to flow. This is a real problem for me at work I tell myself to stop and ten seconds later my hand is right back there. It is expensive to replace hair in a wig. A pen in my hand is a lethal weapon for my eyebrows or lashes.

Talking on the phone for more than five minutes usually means that by the time I hang up, I won't have eyebrows or lashes. Try explaining something likes that to a friend or a relative who likes to talk on the phone! I just got some information on the Internet, which says that some people with TTM also pull from their pets. I used to have a dog and I must confess that I pulled his hair too. Well, I was just trying to help! He couldn't reach it and at the time, I thought I was helping his shedding problem. He didn't seem to mind it but it just never stopped. At least he didn't have any bald spots!

The year 1997 was not so good for me; but then again, it was the best thing that has happened for me. On Saturday, March 21,1 had my first panic attack when I pulled out all of my eyebrows while reading the paper with my morning coffee. I didn't know how I was going to go to work on Monday. I went through a short spell of depression. I have been through the depression route before. I have been a pretty good makeup artist over the years with eyebrow pencils, but this was the worst that I have done. I called a mental health hotline and after talking to several people, I finally calmed down. I have always gotten mad at myself for doing so much damage in the past and finally had to realize that this was way beyond my control. I found a new psychiatrist who started me on Luvs and Prozac. He also wanted me to see a psychologist in the same building who was a behavioral therapist. This was my fourth try at medication. In the past, I could never stand the side effects of the medication for more than two or three months. One of the biggest problems that I have found is that these medications shut down the prostate gland, which basically means no sex, and there is a whole slew of other side effects. After three months, this doctor added Risperdal, which he called the "salt on my plate." It made me fall asleep at my desk at work. I would like to tell him what to do with his salt! I went to visit a friend one weekend and almost fell asleep at the wheel doing 80mp~ Shortly after that, I was supposed to drive to Colorado and there was no way that I could have made that trip. I stopped the medication three weeks before my trip to Colorado and swore that I would never take medications again for this disorder. The only thing that I may try is if there is a new medication specifically for Trich. After stopping the medication, I realized that it had actually made my hair pulling worse. While on the medication, I would have pulling sessions that would last 14-15 hours. The only way that I could calm down was to have several alcoholic drinks and work out in the yard when I got home from work. My pulling has always been my escape from reality.

Until December 1997,1 thought that I was the only male in the United States with Trichotillomania. Then one night I came home and found a message from a guy on my answering machine. He was referred to me by '111£ and he lives in LA I thought that it was great to finally meet another guy with this problem. He is married and didn't want his wife to know about his problem. I tried to suggest that he at least tell her so that she could support him, but I scared him off and haven't heard from him. If I had a wife, I would want to know of any health problems that she had so that I could support and understand what she was going through. It would be so much easier for him if he had the support of his wife. I wish the best for him and hope that he has better luck than I have had. I saw in the last Quarterly newsletter that there is a 14-year old boy with Trich. That makes three of us! I'm sure that there must be more of us out there. They can just hide it easier than women. If there are more of us guys out there, please help others by educating the public, and don't be afraid to talk about it or to seek help.