How to tell your parents?
Pam originally wrote this letter to a young teen ...
I would highly recommend letting your Mom see the TLC site -
Trichotillmania Learning Center - www.trich.org
Since they are an "International Outreach and Informational Resource" ,
and have a Scientific Advisory Board of Doctors, and are an actual
Not-for-Profit Organization - they are the most factually-based site out
there. She can also call and talk to them Mon-Fri (I think 9am-3pm
California time). Because they are a Not-for-Profit Organization she can
also check into them through the IRS and Doctors offices if she wishes.
She can also check into them through the Doctors sites listed on their
site.
Some of the other sites are not always so positive and healthy, and I
don't see any "Mom" necesarilly responding to them in the right way -
(although I'm not sure which ones you have looked at). Some are very
good, but it is hard to know which contain fact and which contain
fiction- most have a combination.
It might also help to have a Book on the subject in hand when you talk
to her - you can request one of these from your library's front desk if
they are not on the shelf (It might take a week or so to come in). The
OCD book by Dr. Penzel, is the most likely to be on the shelf, as it is
a little older copyright. (btw, TTM is NOT an OCD, but the book still
has lots of good factual information, and the author is on the
Scientific Advisory Board of TLC.)
I can see that being REALLY helpful for you, as these books were also
written by Doctors experienced on the subject, and even an 'official'
website can seem like a danger signal to a parent - because anyone can
build a website and call it anything. Plus, if you start to chicken out,
you can give her the book to read without having to do a lot of talking.
I listed 3 titles not knowing which you would find. I would only give
her 1 book and the 1 website to look at. You don't want to overwhelm her
with too much information at once!
Believe me, I am 39, and I can relate to the parents scare over anything
to do connected with the Internet!
The other thing to think about, is if you don't think your Mom is the
type of person to listen to you - if there is someone like an Aunt,
Teacher, that you feel comfortable talking to - think about starting by
confiding in them - and eventually, perhaps they can be with you when
you tell your parents.
For your OWN sanity - think about what you really want to get out of the
conversation ... and be mentally prepared that you might or mght not get
it as the outcome of the conversation. :(
Some parents instantly respond to their kids' TTM with compassion,
understanding, and willingness to help in whatever way possible. A lot
of parents have to 'come around' to understanding their kids' TTM,
before they start to really see what it all means. So I don't want
you to get your hopes up so high, that you would be crushed if they
don't instantly respond the way you want. They likely need to 'digest'
all of it. (I'm not saying that they are 'right' if they do that eiher.)
Be prepared to tell your parents what they can do to help - because if
you tell them about your TTM, they are going to want to 'do' something.
(THe nice thing about hte books, is they usually have a chapter for
families, on how nagging doesn't help).
So, especially if you are telling them they can't nag you anymore, it
will help you to give themsomething they CAN do - whether trying the
herbal supplements, EPA supplements, joining TLC and reading the
newsletter so that they understand you, ask them to read one of the
books entireley, instead of nagging or directly referring to your
pulling she could suggest some busy-work for your hands - you have to be
creative here and think of what will work for YOU! But this could really
help your relationship.
Feel free to write me and ask any questions!
Hope this Helps!
Pam
____________________________
**Book - "Help for Hair Pullers" by Nancy Keuthen PhD, Dan Stein MD &
Gary Christenson MD.
Designed to be a Self-Help guide to starting Behavior Therapy. You can
also use it with an Unexperienced therapist. I have bought it and read
it entirely, very helpful. Copyrighted 2001 so up-to-date.
Great Chapter with advice for families. Chapter on TTM in children and
how treatment differs. Overall, combats a lot of myths. I didn't like
the chapter on Meds so much because it didn't match my experience or the
majority of what I have heard, or even with what was presented at the
recent TLC retreat. I did NOT like this author's attitude that trauma or
family dysfunction never causes TTM - because I have heard too many
stories and know that is NOT true. But it was only a few annoying
paragraphs, and doesn't affect how the behavior therapy steps go. (I
didn't get to see any of these authors at the recent retreat.) About
$16 paperback, 180 pages.
_______________________________
**Book - "The Hairpulling Habit & You - How to Solve the
Trichotillomania Puzzle" by R. Golomb & S Vavrichek.
- If I remember correctly, this was the book specifically written for
CHILDREN with Trich.
Designed to be a Self-Help guide for Parents, or with an Unexperienced
Therapist. The idea was, children aren't emotionally mature enough to
apply some of the Behavioral Therapy techniques in the other books in
the exact same way. I skimmed it at the retreat, didn't buy because I'm
not a kid so it didn't apply to me! Doublecheck with TLC that this is
the right book. If I remember it was between $20-$30. Large Paperback,
about 200 pages. Looked easy to read.
_______________________________
**Book - "Obsessive Compulsive DIsorders - the Complete Guide to Getting
& Staying Well" by Fred Penzel, Phd.
Designed to help you help yourself with education, Behavioral Therapy
(Habit Reversal Training), the most effective therapies, how to choose
medicine, how to avoid relapse, Chapters on Children, and help for
families.
I bought and have just started this book. I bought this one because I
attended a few of Dr. Penzel's sessions on Habit Reversal Training at
the TLC retreat, and I wanted even more information. His sessions gave
me the most hope overall for having a tool to combat my TTM. I liked his
Behavioral Therapy information more than what is presented in the "Help
for Hair Pullers" book, but of course I like that that one was faster to
read and get going.
This one is a HUGE hardcover book, covering all of OCD, with separate
chapters on different disorders, so it is relatively easy to go through
and just read the overall stuff and the TTM stuff.
Even though TTM is now agreed NOT to be an OCD, it still doesn't affect
the information on how to use the Habit Reversal Training, within the
Behavior Therapy.