The (unofficial) grooming theory

This was written by a fellow trichster, but it makes a lot of sense to me too

I have a personal theory about this, which may or may not be true, and it has to do with the nature of trich as a "grooming" disorder. All animals, humans included, are born with the instinct to groom--it was a necessary tool for survival in the wild, when lice and other parasites had to be picked and pulled out of the hair and off of the skin to prevent disease, injury and death. Somehow, and probably for a variety of reasons that may be different for each trichster, people with trich are born wired, or become wired, to "over-groom" obsessively. If we have this bizarre need to satisfy some grooming instinct gone haywire, then perhaps we can pacify it-- "trick our trich," if you will--by substituting some less horrendous grooming behavior.

If our need to pull comes in some part from an out-of-control need to take care of ourselves, then maybe putting lotion on our hair and skin can help satisfy that urge to some extent.

PJ's "baby yourself baby" advice fits in here, too: Fighting trich might be easier when we "baby ourselves" because, if trich really does come, in part, from a whacked-out need to "pamper" ourselves, we can pacify the monster by "taking care" of ourselves in healthier ways.

Of course, once pulling becomes automatic and truly habitual, we have thoroughly "taught" ourselves that pulling is the ONLY way that our obsessive grooming need can be satisfied, and that our tension, stress, and anxiety can be relieved. When that lesson is so well-learned, of course it can't be unlearned instantly or easily. We can't simply substitute one "grooming" behavior (e.g., putting on some lotion) for another (e.g., pulling) and expect the urge to pull simply to disappear. "Unlearning" the pulling habit takes a lot of time and energy, and we must go about it fully conscious, with much painstaking effort, one baby step at a time. Anyway, this is to say, xxx that we can't "put up with" the urge to pull because there's no way to put up with it. But the good news is, eventually we won't have to put up with it, because we'll unlearn it. And the way to unlearn it is to substitute for pulling those things that will eventually (but not right away) satisfy the same urge that pulling, and only pulling, can satisfy now.

Something like NX3 can work as kind of a placebo for the pulling--it isn't an equal, but a way to tide us over till we unlearn the habit. My guess is that other topical, dermatological solutions (like the Tobradex John Kender mentioned to you) might work in the same way, to some extent.

Trich is tricky, no doubt about it. There is no magic pill, or even any one way to unlearn the aspects of trich that are behavioral (the "habit" aspects). But I have found, as you implied, Sue, that even pulling doesn't satisfy the need for long. Indeed, it seems almost to create or reinforce it. Pulling may help relieve the urge temporarily, but in the end, the more you pull, the more you need to pull. Touching leads to pulling, pulling leads to more pulling , so the only thing you can do is try to pacify the trich monster by feeding it something different, until it learns how to be satisfied on its new, more healthy diet. It won't be fooled, and it will resist with all its might--but I believe with all my heart that eventually, it WILL learn to live without hair, just as someone can eventually learn actually to crave fruit and veggies instead of candy and chocolate, even though at first, and for a long time, the former seem a very poor and unsatisfactory substitute for the latter.

I don't know if any of this is true--I just know that it feels true to me, and hope that it strikes a chord with someone else, too.