Angie's Story

My name is Angie and I have had trich since the 6th grade. I can still remember the first night I pulled. my dad and I were working on a report of Mexico that was due the next day at school. Without knowing it I was pulling my hair out and tossing it on the floor beside my chair. At the end of the report I remember picking up a hand full of hair and wondering what had happened. In just that one
night I had pulled most of the hair from the top of my head. Being young and not understanding the shame of what I had done I went to school the next day and did not try and cover it up. I went to school
the next day and heard all the kids calling me names and making fun of me. This is where I learned to be embarssed about my hair. my parents took me to many differant doctors and physoclgist and tried everything they could think of as to what the problem was. None of them could give my mom the magic cure she was looking for. Whenever anyone asked my mom about what had happened to my hair she would make up stories ranging from nerves to medications to all sorts of things. This is when I learned to be ashamed of what I had done to myself. I thought if my own mom had to make up stories to cover up for what we did not know, then I really must be bad for doing this to myself. So the shame had set in as easy as that. It took me no time at all to add my own favorite stories to tell people when they asked about what had happened to me. I knew the truth, however I was afraid that they would think I was crazy for doing this to myself...so the shame continued and so did the pulling. Needless to say Jr. high for me was pure hell and I had little friends. One little black girl named Lucy Grey was always my friend and I wish I could find her today to tell her what a differance she made in my life. She was my olny friend through school. When it was time for high school we had moved and I was starting a new class a boy by the name of Brian England was sitting behind me and joking around and pulled at my hair. you can only imagine his surprise and my humlitation when it came off in his hand. I started to cry and ran from the room and never went back to school after that. I dropped out because of the shame I felt and would not face those kids again. Brian was very nice and tried to return my wig to my house however my
mom told him I did not want to see anyone and thanked him for returning it for me. This is why I so admire the young people on the bb and others who are young and have to face this everyday and are doing a much better job  than I did. I only hope the time comes when attitudes about things like this change. I have now lived a very full and wonderful life. I have been married to two very great guys and have 4 great kids that I love dearly. I have learned that trich is just a part of who I am........not all that
I am. 

When I first looked up hair pulling on the Internet I found the chat room first. At that very moment I had a hand full of pills beside me at the computer and was ready to take them all. I had had enough of
the pain that this disorder was causing me. I thought everything in my life that was wrong was to be blamed on trich. I had enough of the pain and shame of my bald head and eyes. I wanted nothing more of a world where I could not be looked upon as normal. I can't remember who was in the chatroom that night but I think it was Amanda and mark and a few others at the same time. I cried out for help and they were there. I did make a promise that I would not hurt myself until I read the bb and gave it a few days. I was told to post my feelings and read the bb and see if that did not make a difference in how I felt. I
found the BB and also the fact that there are thousands of us out there with this same disorder. I was amazed at the responses I got. That was in March of 1998 and the beginning of my healing. I grew to
love people like Amanda, PJ, steph, Kimmers, marge, Bodhi, keiko,Diana and so many others I can;t remember at this time. The people on the bb helped me to learn to accept and deal with and control this thing we have to live with everyday. maybe because I found the board at my lowest point in my life is why I take this so serious and why I want the help and support for the new people to be there. It breaks my heart for a new person to come to the bb and not be able to find the love and support and welcoming that was so important to me. please remember that we do not know what is going on in their life at that moment and we might be all that they have. many of us do not tell anyone about this. We are the only ones there for them.

Today my trich is an everyday part of my life. I do still get urges....but today I do not pull. I go to my daughter, friends,anyone in my support circle of friends and ask for help. I also pray for strength to fight this.  I do hope this has touched even one person. that through telling my story you might have hope that someday becoming pull free also......it is my wish for all of you. please learn to accept yourself where ever you are right now in this fight against trich. learn to grow and love yourself. it can be done.

I would like to thank all of you who have added to my life since I have found the bb. You all have made such a differance in my life. my the peace you are looking for find you.

Angie

For a pic of Angie, click here - where she was at the California trichnic.  I'm trying to convince her to send us another pic too!