7 years down the line

(this was written at 6 yrs, to a friend)

You know, for 21 years, i did just the basics to my hair - didn't 
have a choice, since there was only one hairstyle that 'worked' - a 
very long section of hair that had to come from just above my 
ears, over my head, to cover the huge bald patch on the top of my 
head. well, so I never really learnt much abt styling hair etc... 
like the other girls of my age did. Then, when I stopped pulling, it 
was a fantastic thing for me to have short hair - (see the pics on my 
site) - where the hair on the top could be short and 'spiky' - and I 
just loved being able to pull my fingers through my hair on top 
of my head. I wore that style for a long time - it was fantastic to 
have that freedom. But it was a great, no-nonsense style too - i 
didn't have to do anything to my hair - I washed, it and let it dry 
by itself and it always looked nice and neat.
Well, and then I grew my hair - it irritated me very quickly, so 
once it was a bit longer, I had it permed - in a 'wash-and wear' 
style. So again, except for learning how to do a french plait, and 
to blow-wave my hair into a Bob-style, that is basically the extent 
of my hairstyling knowledge.

Well, now my hair is longer than shoulder length again.. and this is 
quite new to me - I'm learning how to deal with my hair too - I'm 
trying NOT to perm it - is is long, thick and shiny and I'd like to 
keep it like that for a while. But i get bored with it a bit - it 
is mostly fastened on top of my head, or in my neck. It is a lot of 
work to put rollers in and my hair is so heavy that it just lasts a 
few minutes anyway, then I lose the 'curl' again. Well, tonight a 
friend is coming to my house to show me and give me some tips on how 
to give my hair a 'frizzy' look, without actually perming it. She is 
going to teach me to use mouse and styling gel and a 'scruncher' on 
my hairdryer. So.. I'm quite excited abt it. It is almost 6 yrs 
now, that I have hair again... and I'm still learning things. 
And let me tell you, I'm still MARVELING every time I go to a 
hairdresser and I can chose any hairstyle I want - I'm only 
restricted by the texture and length etc. of my hair. I'm SO 
thankful for that!!!!!

7 Years

Where am I today?  Well, trich is still a part of my life, as is the John Kender diet.  I go through phases where I cheat with the diet, and then have to pull myself back to doing the right things again.  I find that I can eat bad foods (usually only sugar that I cheat with, because I still struggle being without it), without it affecting me.  Previously, I would eat sugar and within a day, could feel the difference and would experience urges.  I don't experience it that way anymore.  BUT after cheating a few times I can feel it building up in my system and I definately have much more 'interest' in my hair.  I know then that I must quickly get back to eating right, or I'll start pulling.  I have eaten some peanuts a while back (it was in sugar-free chocolates) and definitely had an 'unnatural interest' in all the gray hair on my head, so I know to stay away from that seriously.

My scalp hair doesn't bug me too much now days, (while I stay on the diet, it is).  My leg hair... well, I do struggle with that.  I have been scratching my legs, poking at the ingrown hairs etc.  I'm not too happy with myself about it, but fortunately it is winter now, so that helps to keep them 'out of my sight' (wearing pants the whole day).  I have to work at this.

I have learnt something big, though.  Spiritual warfare.  I heard the word often before, but I never really knew what it meant.  I started a Bible course (Master Life) and it caused huge changes in my spiritual life.  I asked the Lord to help me to fight the trich urges with spiritual warfare.  I asked him for verses from the Bible to make it possible for me to do this.  I (again) struggled with the question:  Is trich a sin?  And after a few days, I was sure again that (for me), it wasn't a sin.  YET, it is something that binds me, that the devil uses to bind me, to hold me back.  And God wants me to be free - not bound.

A verse from the Bible that I've always believed in (because I experienced it in my own life), is:  You will know the Truth and the truth shall set you free.  I truly experienced it with trich - once I learnt what the truth was abt my 'habit', I started receiving freedom.  Yet, when I was doing this spirutual warfare thing, I got another verse: (John 8:32)... so if the Son (Jesus) sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Then I was reminded of the fact that Satan is the father of lies, and he will also lie to us, and will also want to bind us.

Also:  John 10:10 The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

1 John 5:4....... for everyone born of God overcomes the world  (My Bible says that anyone who is a child of God CAN overcome the sins of the world')

All the verses above, spoke to me, telling me that Satan is a liar and wants to bind me, while Jesus wants to set me totally free. Satan wants to steal and destroy and kill my joy and freedom, whereas God wants to give me life to the full.  And Satan, being a liar, can be defeated by quoting God's Word back to him..... reminding him that I'm a chosen one, that I CAN overcome the sins of the World, and reminding the devil that he wants to bind me, but that Jesus wants to set me free.

I don't know how much this would mean to someone else, but for me, it was an eye opener, something I could really use and have used with great success.  Oh yes, another verse that spoke to me, was about Joseph and how he fled from sin, when Potiphar's wife wanted to get him in her web.  God spoke to me and told me that I should flee from sin, that I should remove myself from places and situations where I know I will come into the temptation of 'sin' (pulling).

Well, since then I"ve been actively fighting my pubic pulling... and I praise and honor God for really helping me tremendously and giving me freedom.  I still have trich, and if I allow myself, I would pull.  BUT for the first time in many, many, many years, I don't have a problem with pubic pulling.  I keep on reminding myself to get out of the situation as soon as possible, and NOT to allow the devil to temp me and to bind me and I remind the devil that Jesus wants to set me free (totally), whereas he (the devil) is a liar, a thief and wants to bind me - Jesus wants to set me free.

As far as my hair goes - man, I'm just so thankful and praise the Lord for the hair that I have.  My hair has never been this long and I just love it.  I play with it constantly (good playing, not trich playing) - I have a different hairstyle every day and not one days goes by without me thanking the Lord for the hair that I have.  My hair is thick, long and shiny - and I can do with it whatever I want to (style and texture and length the only things restricting me).  I got hold of a few books that give hundreds of ideas of hairstyles and esp. braids, and I just play, play, play... and get SO many compliments for my hair - mostly from people who know nothing of my trich.  So guys......work at it, keep those hands out of the hair, stick to the JK diet... and enjoy the growth that you will have!  I can just tell you that it is wonderful to have hair again, to be able to do with it what I want to .... and I know it can happen for you too!

God bless you all

Amanda (July 2003)