5 years down the line

August marked 5 years since I got onto the internet and got the correct information about Trich.  18 September marked me starting the John Kender diet - (5 years previously)

Where am I today - how do I experience trich today?

Well, because of my website and other work here in South Africa, I am in daily contact with trichsters, so it is always a part of my  day to day life. (which is good, I think, it keeps me on my toes!)

On a personal level.. yes, trich is always part of my life, BUT it isn't ruining my life or controlling my life anymore. I have to always be careful, always stay away from mirrors and make sure my hair is coloured (if I see the gray hair, I want to pull). I have to make sure that my hands don't touch my hair.  If I did touch my hair and pulled a hair or two,  I have to be very diligent and make sure I don't continue pulling (if I have pulled one or two). Of course, I have to stay on the diet too, so I"m always thinking of trich in that way.

Having said that, if it wasn't for the diet, I wouldn't not have able to do the above. Without the diet, I can't control my hands, and I will pull. Like today - I really messed up my diet today.. phew... this is the worst that I have cheated on the diet in 5 yrs time. (sugar, sugar.. I love it!). Now I KNOW that for the next day or two, I'll have to be extremely careful, I must expect the urges to come and I must be careful and prepared for when it hits. I must make sure beforehand to keep my hands busy (esp. when reading and watching TV), and whenever I touch my hair, I have to know that I will continue pulling... so I have to make sure that I do NOT touch my hair.

I find with the diet that I can 'get away' with much more than before.  That causes a problem, of course, in that I'm taking more and more chances with my diet (only with sugar, the other things don't really bug me that much).  So I know I'm playing with fire, but I'm doing ok though.  Even if I do get urges, I find that I can control it quite well, because I'm expecting it (after I have cheated) and I can recognize the urges and I know that it will pass within a day or so.  If I just fight it, it will be better soon and I won't have bald patches.  

Emotionally.. me and trich today - well, the Lord has helped me get tremendous emotional healing through the last 5 yrs - if you read my story, you'll know what I'm talking abt. I don't hate myself anymore, and I know that it isn't my fault, it is a disorder and I'm not guilty for it. I know the Lord loves me, regardless of my trich, and the same with my husband and kids, and even myself. Loving myself took a long time, but today I love myself, regardless of my trich. In that sense, trich doesn't ruin my life anymore.

Of course I wish I didn't have this in my life... (esp now in summer  when my leg hairs are really bugging me and I'm scratching my legs a lot). BUT I have accepted that I have it and even though I don't like it, I can live with it and with myself, without it destroying my life.

I am currently growing my hair again, so I'm attaching a picture of me as I look now.  As you can see, my hair is thick and full - and has ALL grown back fully.  The only reason why I add this picture, is to let others see that if you can succeed in not pulling, you have an excellent chance of getting all your hair back.

God bless you!  

Amanda