Fishy Tales

Two fishermen are fishing in a local river when a funeral procession passes over the nearby bridge. One of the fisherman takes off his hat and holds it close to his chest until the procession passes by then replaces it on his head. The other fisherman is impressed by this and remarks that he is touched by the others respect for the funeral, to which the fisherman replies "It's the least I could do, we would have been married 35 years next week."

The game ranger suspected Pete of illegally shocking fish, so he asked Pete if he could go out fishing with him one day to see how he was catching so many fish. The following day they went out in Pete's boat to his secret fishing spot. He reached in his bag and pulled out a stick of dynamite. The game ranger said, "That's illegal, you can't use that!" Pete lit the dynamite, handed it to the game ranger and said, "Are you going to keep talking, or are you going to fish?"

Two youngsters were fishing on a bank when the game warden pulled up. Immediately one of the boys took off running. The game warden chased after him; after about 20 minutes, caught him. He then demanded to see his license. The boy pulled out his fishing license and handed it to the game warden. The game warden said, "This is a valid license, why did you run?" The boy replied, "To give my friend a chance to get away".

You might be a fisherman if...

1. You have a power worm dangling from you rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.

2. You wedding party has to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.

3. You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter."

4. Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.

5. You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the tv channels with.

6. You get 40 to life because your teenager asked you to buy a jet ski.

7. You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".

8. Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.

9. You honeymooned on Lake Okeechobee - ALONE.

10. You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.

11. You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.

12. You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.

13. You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.

14. You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a polomar knot.

15. Your wife wears green lipstick so you'll kiss her more.

16. You think there are four seasons - Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post spawn and Hunting.

17. Your $30,000 bass boat's trailer need's tires so you "borrow" the one's off your trailer house.

18. Your wife tells you she is feeling "frisky" but you don't know what she means until she explains she wants to spawn.

19. You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.

20. Your kids know it's Saturday - because the boat is gone.

Hey...do you know why you should spit beer into the mouth of a fish before you release it?

Well, after the fish is released he'll immediately swim back to his school. He'll tell them that he was eating dinner, and someone put a hook in his food and it got caught in his mouth. Then someone tried to drag him on the beach. But,......when the other fish smell the beer on his breath...they won't believe him!!!

Bob and Jimbo were out on the lake one morning. They were having a great day, pulling in fish after fish, until the boat was full. When it was time to leave, Jimbo says, "Boy, the fishing here was great! Hope we can remember how to get back to this spot next time". "Well", says Bob, "let me fix that!". He pulls out a piece of chalk, and puts a big "X" on the side of the boat. "Now, we'll know where this place is next time". After rowing halfway back to shore, Jimbo suddenly says, "Wait a minute, Bob! What if we don't get the same boat???!!!".

Bill, Fred, and John were out fishing. Suddenly Bill cought a huge fish that pulled him off the boat and into the water. Fred dived off the boat and came up a few minutes later with Bill. John did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and commented, "I don't remember Bill having such bad breath!" Fred looked at Bill and said, "I don't remember Bill wearing a snowmobile suit, either!"

A fisherman's wife gave birth to twin boys. When the babies were side by side, they always looked in opposite directions, so they were named Forward and Away. Years later the fisherman took his sons fishing, but they didn't return.

Months passed, and the wife finally spotted her husband plodding sadly up the beach. He explained to her that during their trip, Forward had hooked an enormous fish. He had struggled for hours, when suddenly the fish pulled Forward into the water and they never saw him again. "That's just terrible! his wife said.

"It was terrible all right," said the fisherman. "But you should have seen the one that got Away

Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

Bob took his fishing very seriously. One day his young son, Bob Jnr, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, Jnr," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."

"But that's just what I did, mommy."

WADING - the most common means through which a dry fly-fisherman is transformed into a wet fly-fisherman.

CANOE - Long, narrow, sharp-ended boat in which the typical lake fisherman passes through the most dramatic portion of the metamorphosis that began with his emergence from his cocoon like sleeping bag at dawn. At first huddling in the unfamiliar craft as he adjusts to his new environment, he rises unsteadily to his feet, extends his fishing rod, and then goes into a brief flying phase, followed by a long aquatic or swimming stage.